In Hindsight...

I am one of those mothers who knew she was going to homeschool before she even knew when she was going to have children.  I was a senior in high school when I decided that I would never subject my children to the public school system. It's in my heart, embedded in my soul. I know without a doubt that it is better than cookie cutter education. But here it is 3 weeks before public school is to start and I'm seriously considering sending my children to the place I vowed I would not.  The oldest two spent a couple weeks here and there in public school, but never for long. This is not really new to me; one child went into public school in the 7th grade at age 12 and has been there ever since.I just thought that after 15 years of homeschooling, I would have this thing down to science. Nope, I don't.

I look at my oldest two boys and I think they are both amazing for different reasons. Mario is his own man.  He is an individual. He will not follow, nor will he lead. He accepts life as it is and just deals with it. He has amazing people skills, yet he is still very introverted. My biggest concern is his lack of motivation.  And then there is RJ.  He is more easily influenced by those who are around him. He is an extrovert. Because of his unique size (6'8" at age 16), he has many opportunities just handed to him. He always has. He has so much influence and doesn't even realize it. He is my progressive, positive thinking son. He gets what he wants, because he doesn't stop asking until it's his....whatever "it" may be. He also is happy with his life to the point that he doesn't complain much because he knows he usually is given what he wants. My biggest concern is his lack of motivation. Since he feels everything is given to him, he isn't hungry for anything.

Those observations have led me to reconsider what I consider to be best for the youngest boy and girl. CJ is now 11 and is all set to enter 6th grade after enrolling in public school the last 6 weeks of 5th grade. He is my toughest child to teach. He has high anxiety and shows traits of a perfectionist. He is actually almost impossible for me to teach, because he gets embarrassed even when learning a new concept that I don't expect him to know about. So, imagine my surprise when he went to 5th grade and passed all his classes with C's or better! He felt anxiety a few mornings where he would cry and beg to stay home. I would say yes, and 15 minutes later he would come back with his happy face and say he was going to go ahead to school. He is overweight and I worried about him being bullied, but he said no one ever bullied him and he always got picked first when the boys played basketball at recess. (All that playing basketball against his older brothers paid off.)  The only thing he complained about was having too much work and having to stay at school ALL DAY. He is a leader. He refuses to follow anyone and if you don't follow his rules, he just won't deal with you. He is also an introvert, but has a quirkiness that people LOVE about him. His personality is off the charts!

Deep in my heart, I feel my older sons both lack motivation, because I taught them to appreciate what they have to a fault. They lack self-motivation because they are content with their lives. I feel I have to do something different with CJ, but I don't know what that different thing is. He is rather clingy to me, so as much as I hate to say it, I think time away from me and some of the negative experiences I tried to keep my children from, may benefit him at this time. How do I get my heart to agree?

Crystal is not ready for school, period. She also entered public school the last 6 weeks of school and she was promoted to the 3rd grade. The problem is, she is nowhere near ready for too many reasons to name. She is a follower and she does not make good decisions on her own. It all kind of makes sense, because my belief is that elementary school years should be spent at home (for my children). When my children reached 11, middle school years, they were given a choice. One tried middle school for 2 weeks, hated it and didn't go back to public school until the 9th grade (for half a year). The other son went to middle school in 6th grade for about 3 months and came home after having a hard time. He decided to try again for 7th grade and has been there since. CJ is on track for entering public school. I'm sticking to my beliefs with Crystal though. I'm actually looking forward to the alone time we will have everyday. She is growing so fast.

The more I write, the better I'm feeling about this whole thing. The next time someone asks me, I will finally have an answer. CJ IS going to school. Crystal is NOT. Thanks readers for once again letting me vent :)