The State of Today

 After 20 years of homeschooling and a few years of trying to adjust to NOT homeschooling anymore, I have decided to do what everyone around me has encouraged me to do for years. I am going to help other homeschoolers who will need it. There is a weight that comes with deciding to homeschool and that weight gets heavy. The help I want to give is more than just advice on how to find the right curriculum or how to deal with teaching different grade levels. When we decide we are going to homeschool, there is a certain gamble we are taking that will make us hide if we are having doubts because we don’t want to hear the “I told you it was a crazy idea!” responses our family and friends are just waiting to say. I’m not saying they are waiting on us to fail, but sometimes they are just supporting us because they love us and they secretly wish we would just put our children back in school. 

Over the years I have given support to all homeschoolers, then I began to focus on families who wanted to transition to homeschooling, and then I decided to focus on black homeschoolers, and then the focus was single parent homeschoolers. Today my focus is on the children who are being homeschooled. Now that my children are all adults, they don’t mind telling me how their educational experiences have affected them and I can explain what my intentions were. It’s like knowing what I wanted to happen, seeing what actually happened, and then providing support to others based on my research.

I’ll be the first to say that I’m not for everyone. I’m the type of person that doesn’t believe what works for me will work for you. I encourage others to trust themselves and realize that other people are allowed to be different and neither person is wrong. This way of thinking is not just reserved for adults. I believe children know more about themselves than their parents. I will say that a son or two of mine has expressed that they wished I was a little more strict and had more rules because in adulthood they had to do things they didn’t want to and it was a new concept for them. Don’t get me wrong, I did make them do some things that they didn’t want to, but there was not much discipline when they didn’t do them. I was a single mother of 4 children and I couldn’t even force myself to do things I didn’t want to so that trickled down to my kids. I was never that type of mom that said, “Make me proud.” I would always tell them that it’s their lives and they should make themselves proud. They have to live with the decisions they made and they had to learn how to trust themselves. I started that before they were even school age. There were lots of questions about what they wanted. My boys would just make a choice, but it was my last, my only girl who would have to have my opinion. I remember her being 8 and trying to decide which shirt to wear and she was so fed up with my “which one makes you feel prettier when you have it on? And which one do you like the best?” She took a deep breath and said, “Mom! Can you just tell me which one you like better?” I said yes, she thanked me and I learned that day that it wasn’t the end of the world if I influenced her on topics I felt she could decide on her own. All that to say, even in my support of other homeschoolers, there is no one way to do it and what works for one child may not work for the next one so I ask a lot of questions and my guidance and support depend a lot on the answers I’m given. I don’t offer a One Size Fits All system, which is also why it has taken me a long time to offer access to myself on a larger scale.

But alas, here I am…..

Today I Did....

This trusty old blog has been around for quite some time. Now it is 2020 and the US pretty much has been forced to homeschool their own children because of the crisis. As synchronicity would have it, I had major surgery on March 11 and I was already off of work for the next 6-8 weeks. It’s a bonus that my daughter, now 13 and in the 8th grade, is home with me until April 8th. Much has changed since I started this blog. Occasionally I go back and read it just to see how far we’ve come. As of today, my sons are 24, 22, 17, and my daughter is 13. The only one still homeschooling is my 17 year old. My daughter enrolled in public school for the 8th grade because she desires to be accepted to a boarding school and she felt like she would learn more discipline if she were in a school setting. I keep trying to convince her that homeschooling is more respected by higher learning facilities but she isn’t buying it. LOL!

Which brings me to this day. It is Monday, March 16, 2020 and the first day of the mandatory homeschooling period in Kentucky. Leading up to this day, my Spirit has been nudging me to start branding myself as a homeschool consultant. A friend I met through Facebook contacted me one day and strongly urged me to do the same. All signs said DO IT KILA. But I didn’t. And then today a different friend said Kila, it’s your time. People want help because they don’t know what to do. That friend also called me a couple of months ago when she decided to homeschool. I said OK. Here I am!

I, Kila Shali, was born a teacher. When I was 5 years old, I wouldn’t let my younger cousins go play outside without doing the homework I assigned them. I helped others in school with their assignments because I was always the first to finish mine. It is only natural that I never doubted that I could teach my own children. The only reason I didn’t want to become a public school teacher was because I believed in self-directed learning from the start. I have always thought it was strange that a child should learn a certain thing because they were a certain age. People are so different and there is not one age of readiness for any skill. Sometimes I still read my  “why” paper that I wrote my freshman year in college, 2 years before the birth of my firstborn. My “why” is what helped me stay focused on homeschooling no matter what;  And there have been quite a few whats! That’s another blog post. LOL!

Always Something New...

I am starting a new business and I thought maybe I should start a blog, and then I remembered, I HAVE a blog already. My blog already has the perfect title and has been with me through many changes over the last 7 years!  I'm kind of excited to update my profile to reflect my new now. (I'll do that after I finish this post.)

I have never consistently kept up with this blog, but it's always nice to go back and reminisce. My baby girl was only 5 years old when I started this blog and she just turned 13.  That's all nice and dandy, but this time, yes, this time I plan on being more consistent.  This blog used to be therapy for me. I love to write and it was such a release to write how I felt with hopes someone understood me.  Well, I never really got much response from my blogs, but that's okay. I made it. I make it everyday.  Would I like to develop some kind of support group where at least one person can identify with what I've been through and am still going through? Sure. But for now, I'll just pretend you readers understand me.

Today my purpose for this blog is to promote Self-Directed Education and more specifically to help double-duty parents figure out how alternative education can work for them when they may not have much of a support group. My ultimate goal is to create a community of us so we can help each other.  I must say I just made it 19 years and 4 kids with 2 still at home. Not only have I been homeschooling before it was popular, I have been single the whole time and I stumbled through many phases and techniques. Did I say stumbled? I'm still trying to find out what works best for my son. I don't have all the answers, but I'm pretty good at raising these kids and my WHY is what kept me through it all.

Check Out The New Page

I have added a new page that is dedicated to contests and competitions.  I'm real excited about this because it's something I really believe in.  Just because we choose alternative ways to educate our children, it doesn't mean they can't learn to be competitive and have opportunities to learn team-building skills with people outside of their families.

My vision is to focus on the Louisville, KY area since that is where I live.  If you tell me where you live and would like for me to find contests that may be local to your location, I would love to help.

I really hope this will become a valuable resource for parents.  I truly hope to connect with other Louisville families for the competitions that require teams. 

I started a Facebook group, Contests For Home-Educated 'Tweens & Teens ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/wecompetetoo/ ).  There you can enter a keyword to search for the type of contest you want information about. The categories are:

ART
STEM & STEAM
READING
SCIENCE
VOCATION (including Entrepreneur)
ECONOMICS

Please feel free to let me know if you know about any contest or competition not listed.  I have quite the list right now, so it will probably take me a few days to post them all. I hope this helps!

GREETINGS 2018!

Greetings 2018!!! Nothing like a fresh start to coincide with the New Year! So much has happened, and is happening, that I’m most busy trying to keep things in perspective.

So, you know that voice in you that speaks so only you can hear? Well, mine keeps telling me that I’m going to write a book a month for the next 6 months.  On the surface, I’m wondering when I will find the time to do so.  Deep inside, I know all I have to do is stop playing Toon Blast, Dominoes, and Yahtzee on my phone 4 hours a day.  To help keep myself focused, I just deleted the apps from my phone. My anxiety causes me to play those games hours a day, when really, I would be much happier if I spent that same free time reading a book (thanks to my new glasses) or working on my business plan.  Little do my children realize that they too will put down the electronics to spend more time working on themselves. All is well, but there is always room for improvement.

 

I’m looking at a move to Indiana since it’s closer to my job in downtown Louisville, and the cost of living is lower. I’m actually excited about it, because I’ve always hated saying I live in Kentucky.  I’m not sure why other than I just don’t have a good outlook about the state after living in it for over 8 years and in 3 different “cities”.  Danville was a small town, Lexington was a bigger small town, and I guess you can call Louisville a city.  It’s just way different in Kentucky than it is at home in Ohio or Texas. I don’t know much about Indiana, but I don’t have any negative preconceived notions just yet. I do know that homeschooling is super easy in Indiana, as well as getting certified to practice massage there.  I’m very much ready for the move.

 

Currently, I only have 2 children left at home. CJ is about to turn 15 and Maya is 11.  I hide how absolutely happy I am that they are no longer going to school.  Maya chose to go to school, because my work schedule didn’t allow me spend much quality time with them.  I made CJ go to school.  It wasn’t really what I wanted, but I do feel like it was better than them sitting around the house all day like they were. The cool thing is, I have a new job that allows me to get off of work at 3:30 pm if I get there early enough.  I have enough money to pay for extracurricular activities. That is always a plus.

 

As I mentioned before, I’m writing this year, so get ready. I’m also going to be reading like I used to.  I noticed today that I have quite the book collection started.  As much as I hate setting Resolutions, I do have a few very important ones:

 

Write more. Every time I hear my Inner Voice tell me to write, I will.

Read more. Now that I have new glasses, I have no excuse.

Join a Bowling League. It’s just something I’ve always wanted to do.

Keep at least a whole paycheck in reserve. I refuse to live paycheck to paycheck anymore.

Invest. Even if I just start with a little, I’m going to start in the month of January.

Get a Passport. How can I expect to travel without one?

Discover the name of my Inner Being. It is the one who will be writing my book and giving me the power to overcome the increased anxiety I have developed more recently.

Devote more family time to the 2 still at home with me; even if that means taking away their phones and televisions.

Take the time to meditate daily. I know how amazing it is and since I won’t be playing games on my phone in the morning anymore, that will open up so much time for me before work.

Laugh more, Love more, Live more!

 

I have quite a few big projects I want to happen this year and little do CJ and Maya know, they are going to be a big part of every single one of them. In my homeschooling journey, I have used several techniques to educate my children. I don’t even know what you would call the style I use now. The description that is closest to what I use is Self-Directed Learning, but with a push. I help them figure out what they want for their lives and then I give them choices on what they can do to achieve personal goals.

 

I learned so much parenting the older two boys.  Initially when I realized the end result wasn’t exactly how I saw it was going to be (their transition into adulthood), I reigned very loosely. I let them do and say things I never would have let the older two do at their ages. The truth is, overall, I still have great boys. I constantly get compliments on how balanced they are to be raised by a single mother. Little does anyone know how much the 3 of us have been through together. The younger 2 was getting an older, much more mature mother, but also a less-hopeful mother. BUT NO MORE…. I am appreciative of the challenging times we have experienced over the past 3 years, because it has helped me search for happiness in the dark and be reminded that true happiness lives within me and is not based on whether life around me is the way I want it to be.  I’m truly grateful for many things that I discovered during that search.

 

Feel free to share what your resolutions are. Maybe we share some and can encourage each other.

 

Love,

 

Kila Shali

Crystal's Potato Soup

Yesterday, Crystal told me she wanted to make Potato Soup. I've never made it before, and she didn't have a recipe. She saw there were lots of vegetables in the refrigerator and she didn't want them to go to waste. So, I pulled myself out of the funk I'm in (that's another post) and we got to work in the kitchen. She ended up cutting a red hot pepper and 6 potatoes. While that simmered, she cooked bacon in the oven. When the bacon was done, she added it, including the grease, into the pot. I also added garlic salt and another seasoning. We also added a can of tomatoes with chiles and garlic. She didn't know, but I also added a little bit of milk and some Parmesan cheese.

Let me tell you, it was DELICIOUS!!!! It was so good that only 3 of us ate it. I'll admit, I had 2 bowls! I asked her to make more, but she still hasn't done it yet.

(I took a picture right before I got my 2nd helping!)

I'm so proud of my girl. She learned how to cook a little later than the boys did, but for being 10 years old, she's still quite amazing. Her specialty seems to be creating dishes I haven't ever thought about cooking. I'll have to start posting more of her dishes. I usually don't get to taste them, because she seems to only make enough for herself. 

A Brighter Day

It's not easy having to share small space with so many people. The other night I was feeling overwhelmed, so I called one of my favorite cousins who is very "earthly" like I am. She told me to walk barefoot outside and connect to the earth. She told me to talk to my ancestors and ask for guidance. She told me to let the Universe know what I need. Those are all things I know to do, but somehow in the midst of my turmoil, I never even considered those things.

Since that conversation, I have been cooking delicious food like I used to. I've always loved cooking, but rarely do it when I'm not happy. I've been looking into ways to make money from "home" and also planning to have a garage sale this weekend.

I did have a mini breakdown as I was driving RJ to the next state over to hand him over to a coach for a basketball tournament today. He's my toughest kid to deal with. On one hand, he's so entertaining to have around, but on the other hand, our personalities clash frequently. I truly was upset with him. He was driving and I was sitting next to him fuming. Trying to keep myself from unleashing the fury I felt because I feel he's so selfish. He's 18, yes, but I had had enough. He broke the ice and unleashed an avalanche. I cried. I just don't know how to get to him. But his smile. I love him so much. I feel for him and I never want to hurt him.